My parenting style stems from my studies in child psychology, and from my own experiences living with my older brothers. It’s not new information but your parents/ caregivers are one of the biggest factor in shaping your identity.
I want you to think about your childhood. How were your parents like while you were growing up? Were they attentive? Were they stern? How did it shape you today?
So before we continue…let’s do some basic review of the most popular parenting styles:
***I do not own any of video clips posted on this page, this is just for educational purpose.
- A lot of nurturing
- No enforcement of rules. The children do as they please.
- For ex:
- stern discipline
- controlling children through punishments–which may include the withdrawal of parental affection.
- For example:
- ***A lot of people confuse authoritative and authoritarian because they sound so similar.
- Similar to permissive parents in that there are no rules/expectations of the child. The only difference is that there is a lack of warmth and nurture.
- The parents do the bare minimum amount and nothing more for the child.
As a Result:
- Kids from authoritative families:
- Better skills to adapt/ adjust with life changes/ social environment
- More successful at school
- Kids from authoritarian families are more likely to:
- defiant behaviors
- Suffer from low self esteem
- suffer with depression and anxieties
- Kids from permissive families are:
- Less likely to experience behavioral problems
- Fewer emotional problems
- More troubles and achieve less in school
- Kids from uninvolved families perform the worst in all areas per a 25 year study that was conducted on adolescent and parents.
Ok— back to how I apply this to my life…
I lost my parents at the age of 9-10 and was forced to move in with my oldest brother. Though I only lived with him for 6 years of my life, those 6 years were the longest and most painful years of my life. Though I have never been to prison LOL, I would describe it as living in a prison.
The rules in my big brother’s house were: no laughing, no playing, no jumping, no running, no going outside, simply ‘do as you are told, don’t question the authority/adults’ basically it is the authoritarian approach.
I don’t know exactly when, but somewhere along the line, I lost my voice and my identity. I was scared to speak up in class, and even when I needed help, I was scared to ask for help. Yes, many of my teachers encouraged me to speak up, but how can I? It was conflicting with what I was being taught at home. I am a child, and children do not know anything – or so I am told by my oldest brother. I was confused.
I just shared a lot of bit of my upbringing to show you, an example of the sad after-math of an authoritarian approach. Many of my 20s were spent soul searching, reflecting and trying to find my voice and identity and eventually I did, after years of therapy.
Because of the emotional turmoil that I endured from this authoritarian approach, I steered clear from it. Not everyone has a happy childhood, but we can try to use our experience as a light house to guide us to provide a happy childhood for our little guy. So def, safe to say that Bounmee and I, uses the authoritative approach, and will continue to use it to foster growth in our son.
So how can we as parents be more authoritative? Share-Share-share!!!
Implications: Keep in mind that this study was on American families; though it may be applicable to some families/cultures, this does not apply to every culture/families out there.
Works cited from:
“4 Parenting Styles – Characteristics And Effects.” Parenting For Brain, 1 Aug. 2017, www.parentingforbrain.com/4-baumrind-parenting-styles/.
Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior, Child
Development, 37(4), 887-907.
Baumrind, D. (1967). Child care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool
behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75(1), 43-88.